


Gone

by clearheartsgreyflowers



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 03:47:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4085467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clearheartsgreyflowers/pseuds/clearheartsgreyflowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We can't always control who we fall for, nor can we make it go away. Sometimes outstanding circumstances will cause the hardest decisions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *A random one shot that could possibly turn into more, depending on feedback.
> 
> *This was written about a year ago, way before they played together in Worlds.

There wasn’t much left to say, besides soft pleasantries in a murmur that was barely audible. At first the idea was outrageous, exotic - maybe even forbidden in a sick and twisted way. He sat on the edge of the bed, not quite sure if he was going to slide back onto the warm sheets or bounce up and run. The other body in the room continued tugging on clothes without much protest. Eyes roamed his guest, flashes of what had transgressed only minutes before still fresh in his mind. Forbidden? How could this intense pleasure be wrong? In a conventional sense, their tryst was not altogether taboo. The insane idea of the who and why - that was the problem.

All the pretty words whispered against warm skin could not save this moment. It was the inevitable, mutual acknowledgement of what cannot happen again. But, he yearned for that feeling again. He debated the pros and cons of reaching across the bed, giving a soft silent touch that would convey more than any words could describe. Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he hid behind the soft, ginger curls that fell perfectly into his eyes - refusing to move his gaze from his own hands in his lap. Hands that once showed such comfort and patience, sliding fingers through soft hair with the reckless abandon of a lovesick teenager. Those hands, guarded and expected to perform more than their intended use; bruised knuckles and scars that decorate the skin like badges of honor. He always wanted to experience the sheer bliss a hand can give another human being. Not in the gross, overly perverted sense of course. He longed for soft embraces, a simple caress, sending shivers throughout the body from the light brush of fingers. Oh, and the joy of his rough, calloused thumb gently tracing those full lips and watching them smile. It was intoxicating. How could it be wrong?

They shared intimate secrets, laughed at stupid jokes and completely disconnected from the world swirling outside the door. Was there a consequence for crossing enemy lines? He was tempted to find out, but that nagging voice in the back of his head always kicked him back down to Earth. No, it was impossible. Despite the modern times there was a lingering stigma throughout their large, yet very strict, circle. A sudden sting of emotion caught him by surprise, that all too familiar lump forming in his throat because his heart was battling his mind. They weren’t the same in those quiet moments together, it was something so real and solid and - and still, their bond was torn apart by endless choices. He wasn’t offended, not at all. It was ridiculous for either of them to expect the other to made a choice. The overall answer was obvious: cease desist, or risk exposure. It was simple logic to realize that eventually someone would slip up and everything would be discovered. That pain surged in him with every smile and every kiss. This could not last, and there was no other alternative. With a broken heart and broken spirit, he finally lifted his head to watch a piece of his world disappear out of the bedroom door.

"I think I have everything. I’ll text you when I get home. Bye, Claude."

His heart ached at the sound of his name. How could he possibly respond without breaking completely? It took a few staggering breaths before the words would form.

"No, don’t. We already discussed this. Have a safe trip back to Pittsburgh, Sid."

And he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

He had wanted it to work, he really did. Yet, despite the desperate late night calls and failed attempts at normalcy, it just wasn’t meant to be. Sidney could not find the passion behind the relationship, nor did he particularly feel that much would come of it. Sure, he was attracted. He would have been stupid not to find her extremely attractive, and his friends made this very clear the night they first met. A few drinks in and getting tired of the pointless conversation around him, he approached her at the bar. It was as much for him as it was to shut up his goading friends making snide remarks from the table. Sidney did not think like most of the people around him. He didn’t mind being single, he didn’t mind hanging out with his team mates’ kids when they tugged on his shirt and asked for a piggyback ride. His scene was not that dingy dive bar and cheap alcohol. Did he regret his valiant efforts? No, not really. She was nice and sweet, obviously recognizing him quickly but polite enough to pretend while he flirted very, very badly. Her name was Dara. 24, in school for liberal arts with no specific career nailed down yet. He was charmed by her honesty, which was something he was not used to when it came to dating. Most women tried to bulk up their lives in order to seem more interesting. She was carefree and had no problem making fun of herself. Sidney figured it could be worthwhile to pursue. Besides, what did he have to lose?

Oh. Right. _Him_. He could have lost _him_. But, what did they have? How could something nonexistent be threatened? His excuses were enough to pacify anyone who asked about “that cute girl” he was seeing. Schedules conflicting, long distance, he didn’t have the time - the list went on. There was no one to call him out on his reasoning because it all made perfect sense. Deep down, Sidney knew there the true reason, and it scared the hell out of him. Perhaps the worst part of this entire fucked up situation was the looming fact that he had absolutely no one to confide in. There were a few times when, in a moment of weakness, he nearly confessed to his sister. Eventually Sidney learned that this was far too delicate and he could not trust anyone else with the burden of knowledge. It was a harsh reality. There was no one who could understand the pure freedom he had felt being with Claude. He was utterly and completely alone. The pain always hit late at night, when he was wide awake in bed and reminded of just how horribly unrealistic he was being. Claude had made it very clear that there was nothing else left. Sidney was far too stubborn, of course. Stubborn and slowly dipping down into a dark hole that he never experienced before. One night, he finally caved. The agonizing loneliness gripped him so hard he couldn’t breathe. One text message wouldn’t hurt. And if Claude got angry with him, oh well. Deep in his heart, Sidney knew – he knew it had to be done.

 

_“Can I please see you?”_

If only he also knew that Claude was in bed that very same moment, staring at his phone and having an argument with himself over a very similar text message. His fingers hovered over the screen, a new message already opened and various words typed and then promptly deleted. What a shock it was when suddenly a message popped up, as if the person on the other end was reading his mind. Should he reply immediately? Should he wait and not look too desperate? Fuck it.

 

_“When and where.”_


End file.
